Since I can remember I have been on my own, unheard, disregarded, and disappointed by figures I was taught to trust. I became immune to the abuse of any kind, believing this was normal. My only way of expression has not been with my voice, but with my appearance, and what I create.
Large, thin brushstrokes express anger and hurt. Pain, which is different, is expressed with style and composition. Healing is through color, and it goes on.
Today I paint out of love for myself, and it’s truly my soulmate.
My work has taken a turn away from representational imagery and focuses on truthful content.
Last year my wife left me and triggered my abandonment trauma from the foster system. My newest charcoal portrayed feelings I did not know were there. I chased that feeling painting myself, twice in one piece, showing my bruises, reluctant to look at myself. An abuser appeared beside me, and I felt overwhelmed painting this part of my soul now on the canvas, leaving me to move on.
I painted an image from a tree- myself, grieving the death of my younger selves offering my present self their most precious gifts and talents. Their dead name is an identity that was never mine. The piece depicts my past, current, & future.
I have combined techniques from a lifetime of exploring, bearing a balance of tight and loose, application methods, and neglecting intention & conscious thought. I no longer paint to impress or prove; I simply paint as my only possible method of expression, clarity & release.